Cobras, Cholesterol and Rhymes

April 14, 2013

 

Bathroom Cobra


Public Humiliation Diet
by Drew Magary

10. I made sure everything I ate was fucking AWESOME. If I'm only getting three legit meals a day, they better be fucking good. So I made sure of that. Did you know two slices of bacon only have 70 calories? Combine that with a fried egg and you've got a breakfast of less than 200 calories, far less than a bowl of granola or some shit like that. So I went the bacon route. And I don't give a shit about my cholesterol. They can just Lipitor that shit. I'm in this for the sexy. I also learned to braise short ribs, make my own pulled pork, make Thai steak sauces, and all this other crazy shit because I wanted to lose weight and still enjoy what the fuck I was eating. None of this grilled-chicken-breast-every-night crap that NFL players do. Fuck that. I still love food and I LIKE it that way. People who don't love food are fucked in the head.

11. I exercised, but that hardly mattered. I did 45 minutes of cardio five days a week. But I've been doing that for 14 years now. I also started doing hundredpushups.com around the 220-pound mark. But really, the only thing that mattered was that I ate less, and within a daily routine that I could get used to. (NOTE: But by all means, exercise anyway. It helps you not feel like crap.)

12. I took a fiber supplement. Metamucil: Poop Yourself Thin!

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