July 28, 2012
The Games of the Thirtieth Olympiad are here.
Multiple TV networks are showing the games ALL DAY!
That means in a 24 hour day, there is almost... (six networks... times 9 hours each... plus online... somedays have way more events...) like A MILLION hours of coverage
I plan on completely gorging myself on this rare sporting event.
In short, I'm going to watch the shit out of these Olympics.
Fencing
Three disciplines of fencing all have historical roots.
Today was Foil.
Which must be French for, "Run and stab at your opponent with no strategy"
You can only score by hitting your opponents vest in this discipline. Striking them anywhere else results in no points and a reset.
Seriously, I can't tell you how many times the two girls collided, resulting in two white lights and thus, no points.
Also, it's pretty cool that they fight inside the TRON computer world.
Ties are settled by a sudden death extra time period.
I thought that meant they take their armor off.
It doesn't.
And the screaming.
Oh my god, the screaming.
A point would last two seconds followed by five hours of ear-splitting, brain-crippling, banshee shrieking.
The most embarrassing part was that half the time when they screamed, no one actually scored.
One girl ripped her helmet off thinking she'd won four separate times.
Team Handball
Bill Simmons wrote all about this phenomenal sport.
This needs to be the next collegiate sport that emerges.
The pace is super fast and action packed.
In fact, the ref can force a turnover if he thinks you are being passive.
On defense, as long as you are directly in front of the offensive player, you can do almost anything you want.
And despite that advantage, there is still a ton of scoring.
Badminton
I love badminton.
But everyone needs to invest in a sweat band.
They constantly wipe all the sweat off their face with their hand, and then just flick it onto the court.
It's super gross and is probably the only reason why this isn't the most popular sport in the world.
Archery
TV was only showing the archers face, and the arrow hitting the target.
Obviously those are the two most interesting things to look at during archery.
This does not give you a sense of how far these guys shoot.
It's 70 meters to the target, or three quarters of a football field.
The arrow travels in a huge arc to get to the target.
And they still only miss byinches centimeters.
Also, they settle a tie by each firing one arrow, closest one to the bullseye wins.
Rowing
Not a great spectator sport. Maybe this is just because it's prelims, and no one is really trying their hardest.
Dressage
No.
Three disciplines of fencing all have historical roots.
Today was Foil.
Which must be French for, "Run and stab at your opponent with no strategy"
You can only score by hitting your opponents vest in this discipline. Striking them anywhere else results in no points and a reset.
Seriously, I can't tell you how many times the two girls collided, resulting in two white lights and thus, no points.
Also, it's pretty cool that they fight inside the TRON computer world.
I thought that meant they take their armor off.
It doesn't.
Oh my god, the screaming.
A point would last two seconds followed by five hours of ear-splitting, brain-crippling, banshee shrieking.
The most embarrassing part was that half the time when they screamed, no one actually scored.
One girl ripped her helmet off thinking she'd won four separate times.
Team Handball
Bill Simmons wrote all about this phenomenal sport.
This needs to be the next collegiate sport that emerges.
In fact, the ref can force a turnover if he thinks you are being passive.
On defense, as long as you are directly in front of the offensive player, you can do almost anything you want.
And despite that advantage, there is still a ton of scoring.
Badminton
I love badminton.
But everyone needs to invest in a sweat band.
It's super gross and is probably the only reason why this isn't the most popular sport in the world.
Archery
TV was only showing the archers face, and the arrow hitting the target.
Obviously those are the two most interesting things to look at during archery.
This does not give you a sense of how far these guys shoot.
It's 70 meters to the target, or three quarters of a football field.
The arrow travels in a huge arc to get to the target.
And they still only miss by
Also, they settle a tie by each firing one arrow, closest one to the bullseye wins.
Rowing
Not a great spectator sport. Maybe this is just because it's prelims, and no one is really trying their hardest.
Dressage
No.
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