Algernon D.D.S.: Day 247 - Test Day... Again

June 9, 2011

A word problem:

Question: Sixty students were taking a test. If 120 pencils were provided for those 60 students, would there be enough pencils to last three days?

Answer: No way.

When a kid asks me “Can I have a pencil?”,
It means several things:

1) This kid has no friends. If the kid had friends he would have asked them for a pencil.

2) This kid is unprepared for life. If you can’t get yourself an ten cent piece of wood and graphite, you certainly aren’t ready to drive a car.

3) This kid fails the “Table Test”. You're taking more off the table than you put on the table. You are being a leach, a freeloader, and a mooch.

4) This kid expects other people to solve their problems. Pencils are just the tip of the iceberg. Should I also pre-chew your food and regurgitate it into your mouth?"

5) This kid should have lower self-esteem, but doesn’t. How could you be smiling as you broadcast to your teacher:
“I put no thought or effort into this class. Teacher, I know you gave up your weekend and worked until 8:00pm last night so that I might get an education, but I can’t be bothered to contribute to my future. At the rate I'm going, I won't see any real consequences from my actions until it's far too late because most people in my life enable me and tell me I'm a beautiful and unique snowflake no matter how many times I get suspended. So I will continue to blame the world around me for my failures and take no responsibility for my actions because clearly I am entitled to fame and fortune just by being alive."

Much goodness from the interwebs today.

Disclaimer - I found all of this while kids were taking tests, so I had no sound.

I have not actually listened to all of this stuff.

Can you let me know if it's any good?

ROUNDUP!

1) Bon Iver Streaming Album

This guy is EVERYWHERE!

The whole album is streaming two weeks early.

Score.

2) Covers with Kathleen Edwards

Justin Vernon's singing partner/girlfriend.

Adorable.
3) Profile of Bon Iver (NYTIMES)
You might be able to listen to the whole album while you read this. Eau Claire, Wisconsin sounds nice.

Earlier he pointed out with amusement various houses he’s lived in, partied in, played music in. But he also noted the places yet unexplored, the music venue he never got around to opening, the crooks of the city he still didn’t have a grip on. “I want to get to know every inch of this city,” he said, “rather than getting to know a bunch of inches of any other city.”
4) NYC Intersection Video

I'm never driving in New York.

Ever.

5) Klosterman’s Grantland Article about DVR

Grantland launched yesterday. So many awesome people are associated with the site. Bill Simmons, Chuck Klosterman, Dave Eggers and Malcolm Gladwell are all contributors. This article is about why watching sports live is different than watching sports delayed. It gets strangely philosophical.

6) Death Cab for Cutie on VH1 Storytellers

Ben Gibbard doesn't know what "You Are A Tourist" is about either.

7) Spider Man Music

The whole album is streaming.

If Bono and The Edge wrote all the music for "Turn Off The Dark" it has to be kind of good...right?

8) Bonaroo Streaming

Just like for Sasquatch, a bunch of artists are streaming live (Arcade Fire, Mumford and Sons, The Strokes) and then some of those performances will be archived as well.

9) School Security

Yeah, I think about more than just pop culture fluff.

10) Cool Earth Made of Cubes Video

Exactly what it sounds like.

11) Panda Bear Video

Seriously, I can't tell you if I love this or hate it. It has a cool look, and the description grabbed my attention:

"There are people who will tell you that Panda Bear's new album Tomboy isn't that good.

Those people are wrong."

12) Childish Gambino EP

Donald Glover (Troy from Community) is freakishly talented.

Childish Gambino is his rap game. He spits hot fire.

His blog is dope. (and extensive)